Closing The Shop

I don't like Widnes.

I'm a St.Helens fan so I'm not supposed to. Along with that smelly mob from over Billinge Lump and the newly rich Warrington Wolves, Widnes' locality makes them traditionally one of Saints' biggest rivals.

That rivalry is about to be renewed in 2012 after the Vikings were awarded a Super League license today. They beat off competition from Halifax and Barrow for the right to play in next season's competition. But it isn't the fact that they are a local rival which grinds my gears about Widnes' return to the top flight. It's the fact that these matters are now no longer decided on the field of play, but instead by a group of men in suits.

In 2008 Super League decided, in it's infinite wisdom, to move away from the traditional promotion and relegation systems which serve other sports perfectly well, and push towards a licensing or 'franchising' system. All of which meant that any club wishing to compete in the following season's competition (including those already in it regardless of how well they had fared) had to submit an application to the Rugby Football League. Applications now needed to meet a set of criteria, very few of which had anything to do with the strength of the team on the field.

This is how we arrived at the sorry position of housing a South Welsh club in Super League. Interest for rugby league in South Wales is about as high as it is for Lily Allen in my house. Sure enough after just one season in union country, the Crusaders were moved north to Wrexham. They currently sit bottom of Super League having won only one of their first seven games and having four points deducted for going into administration. Yes, solvency is on the RFL's all-important list of criteria for deciding how to dish out licenses. But it's not as important as geography. If you are based in an area not normally associated with rugby league, you're as good as in. A very special welcome to Harlequins of London and the French-based Catalan Dragons, then. Leigh? Fuck off.

I've just finished watching the reaction to today's decision on Sky. Eddie Hemmings did his best to convince, but for any rugby league fan worth his salt words like 'application', 'audit' and 'process' would have had the evening meal swirling uncomfortably around the stomach. This vomit-inducing nonsense will do nothing but turn Super League into a complete replica of one of the team sports competitions in America or Australia. If it isn't already. What you will be left with is effectively a closed shop in which each 'franchise' basically takes turns to win championships until they have enough 'rings' to have the bloody trophy named after them.

Sky have a very clear agenda and, to be fair, they have done more than most to turn rugby league into the entertaining spectacle that it is today. They have helped shake off many of the flat-cap and whippet stereotpyes so favoured by Tottenham fans living in Kent, but they have done so entirely for their own ends. Franchising makes sport less predictable, they argue, which will do for them if it means that more fans will tune in thinking that their team has a genuine chance to be successful from time to time.

Either way they hold all the power, which is why we have to suffer their decision to give air-time to the men who meet to make the boardroom decisions which now seem to over-ride fair competition. The fact that RFL Whatever-He-Is Ralph Rimmer's beard is multi-coloured is a side-issue here. It's all just so very, very wrong. And is it just me who cringes every time that failed tennis player and accomplished half-wit, RFL Chief Executive Richard Lewis, makes an appearance on screen? He's genuinely creepy. He speaks without opening his mouth, and I'm convinced he's not going to stop until he has ruined rugby league for everyone, particularly those unfortunate enough to support a team which hasn't attracted a crowd of over 10,000 recently.

Widnes' good fortune makes them unique, because the silliness hasn't stopped just yet. Now all 14 current Super League clubs plus Halifax (presumably based on some kind of best loser wild card rule) will go forward to have their applications (blurgh) analysed ahead of an announcement on July 26. Which means that Widnes, a club currently flattering to deceive in the Championship, are the only club who today can claim to be guaranteed a slot in next season's Super League competition. Sky showed footage of their fans celebrating Lewis' much trumpeted announcement and I couldn't help but feel sad. Such outbreaks of joy should be reserved for the terraces, for running on to the turf and persuading Ellery Hanley to let you hold the Lancashire Cup even though you hate Wigan, or jumping on Sonny Nickle's back! The celebration of the opening of an envelope is deeply tragic and utterly anti-sport.

Nevertheless, Widnes' inclusion means that one of the current 14 will have to make way, with the smart money on Wakefield following their Crusader-like financial problems and their abject failure to be Welsh. Halifax could yet oust a second, although previous suggestions that Castleford could be in jeopardy have been slightly quietened by the Tigers' appearance in the top three of the competition this season.

Kicking them out would just be embarrassing, but so long as licensing, franchising and men in suits hold sway, they have plenty to worry about.