Ashes Fever

I've got Ashes Fever.

It started with the adverts. You know the ones I mean? Sky's super-hyped, grandiose promos for it's own coverage of the event. In the most recent, Sir Ian Botham takes time out from sponsored walks and philandering to act as rebel-rouser to the current England cricket squad, about to embark on another epic Ashes series.

Listening intently to the pep-talk are captain Andrew Strauss, along with Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann and someone else. I forget who. All are decked out in gladiatorial attire, trying manfully to look rugged and manly like Russell Crowe's Maximus. Except they're not really, are they? Broad and Swann could pass easily for women with a bit of slap in the right places, while Strauss is hardly a fearsome figure. His rallying cry as the group runs out onto the field of battle puts me in mind of Austin Healy's barmy bawling during his Paso Doble on Strictly some years ago. It's really not cricket, and yet somehow it still makes you wish your life away until the morning of that first test in Brisbane.

The predecessor to this, the one that really sparked the Ashes Fever, is starred in by Sky's commentary team. Botham has only a bit-part in this one. The true star is Shane Warne. He's having a bad dream. A dream in which all things English have taken over his sub-conscious Australia, where previously hunky surfers look like David Lloyd, and where all the beach babes wear the St.George cross on their bikinis. He wakes up to an even greater nightmare, that of having the Monty Burns-like noggin of Nasser Hussain just inches from his face, goading him about the latest Aussie calamity;

"What d'ya think of that Shaaaaaaaane?" Hussain asks in the kind of mock-Australian accent previously thought to have been parodied into extinction in Castlemaine commercials. There can't be too many more degrading feelings than having the endlessly over-rated former England captain gloating at you. It must be even more difficult to take when you are the greatest leg spinner the world has ever seen. Yet Warne is nothing if not a media whore, and was obviously happy to play along with the whole facade.

Banter between the two will be fascinating once the real action gets under way on the night of November 24. Throw in Botham's no-nonsense approach and Mike Atherton's pseudo intellectual philosophising and you have all the ingredients for good TV. Even during long spells of watching Jonathan Trott block Doug Bollinger to short leg.

It's even more exciting because England have a genuine chance to win. With Warne behind the mic, and the likes of Glenn McGrath and Adam Gilchrist also retired this is not a vintage Australian side. If anything England have the edge in the bowling department. Much will depend on whether Nathan Hauritz can develop into the same spin threat that England now have with Swann, and on the form with the bat of skipper Ricky Ponting, Michael Clarke, Marcus North et al.

Sky's coverage began last night with the first day's play of England final warm-up game. They're taking on Australia 'A', and have decided to do so without all four of their main first choice bowlers. They're travelling over to Brisbane to familiarise themselves with conditions and make their final preparations for the start of the first test. In their absence, Chris Tremlett shrugged off some early problems with his line to take 4-54 as Australia were bowled out for 230. Ajmal Shahzad also took 3-57, but I was well in bed before he got in on the action, or indeed before Monty Panesar got his chance to prove himself a viable deputy for Swann. No wicket for 48 off his 20 overs suggests reasonable economy, but perhaps a lack of strike power.

England closed the day on 22-1 having lost Strauss early on for 10. Monty stepped in as night watchman and will most likely be joined by Trott when play resumes at 11.30 pm UK time tonight. Most of England's front-line batsman are involved, with Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell looking for time in the middle. Eoin Morgan has not been selected for this one, giving Bell the upper hand in what looks a straight fight between the two for that number 6 batting slot.

I'll be up well past midnight to see how they start. I've got Ashes Fever.